Victor Crowley 


Ten years after the events of the original “Hatchet” movie Andrew, the lone survivor, was acquitted of all charges and has made a career of TV appearances and wrote a book about his experience in Honey Island Swamp. His publicist dupes him into filming a true crime show in the swamp at night, promising six figures for a few hours of shooting. At the same time, group of amateur film makers working on a movie about the Honey Island Massacre accidently awaken Victor by playing the voodoo curse that brought him back the first time on YouTube. I guess the you really can learn to do anything on the Internet.  Andrew’s plane crashes in the swamp nearby and shit hits the big, deformed, angry fan.

“Victor Crowley” is a hilariously gory romp through the swamp. You can’t go wrong with well written dick jokes and claw hammer decapitations.  Sure, there’s more than that but fuck dude, what more do you need? How about genre great Felissa Rose getting the best kill I’ve seen in a long ass time? How about the absolute mountain of a man Kane Hodder fucking shit up in the swamp? If you can’t get on board with that I don’t know what the fuck you’re doing with your life but you need to fix that shit, pronto. Seriously, if you don’t think Adam Green is a directorial force to be reckoned with, you can fuck right off.

Well, now that you’re all good and offended, let’s go a little deeper into this bayou bloodbath. The characters are well written even if a few of them are just really shitty people that you can’t wait to see buy it. Good news, most of them do and in some pretty creative ways at that. Watching Andrew deal with the less than adoring public is fucking hilarious. He may have been exonerated in court but that didn’t change the fact that most people still believe that the little bitty Asian guy chopped up forty people in the swamp. He’s pretty much the OJ Simpson of Honey Island Swamp, except he’s actually innocent. The poor bastard survived Victor Crowley just to get shit on by rednecks and bitchy discount Oprah talk show hosts and I love every minute of it.

It’s pretty common for a franchise to get a little worse with each installment and by the fourth movie they’re firmly planted in the shitter and swirl there until they finally get flushed. This isn’t the case for the Hatchet series. The franchise is still going strong; “Victor Crowley” managed to be a completely satisfying film while still leaving me wanting more. Between the writing and directing of Green and the consistently great casting, I think the Hatchet franchise could continue to go strong for at least a few more films.

Do yourself a favor and check this movie out. You’d be hard pressed to find a movie that will deliver the gore and the giggles as well as “Victor Crowley”. Whatever you do, stay the fuck out of the swamp.

​By Yeti